Cryoseism — Catastrophe comes to Temporis

Here’s a sequence from “The War of the Apocalyptics”. It’s also quoted here.

Cover for E-Versions of "The War of the Apocalyptics", artwork by Ian Bateson

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Just to set the scene, Old Man Power  (before he realizes he’s actually Kronokronos Akbarartha) has unwittingly sent Nakba Ramazar to Subcranial Temporis in the north of Sedon’s Head. (For future reference, the map’s here whereas an entry for Temporis is here.)

Aka Catastrophe, the Headless Apocalyptic of Sudden Destruction, he’s now trying to convince Akbar’s devic half-father, Dand Tariqartha, to let him remain in the latter’s protectorate until Devauray (Saturday) night. Being an Apocalyptic, not to mention headless, and hence rather simpleminded, he’s offering to destroy some of the Thousand Caverns if the Dand doesn’t let him stay.

‘… we’ve copious quanti­ties of capital calamities to other-offer you.” Ramazar pulled a flip pad out of the breast pocket of his highwayman-style over­coat. He also pulled out a pair of spectacles. After a second’s hesita­tion he returned the glasses to his pocket.

“Don’t know why I keep those things around.” he mumbled, flip­­ping open the notebook. “Haven’t got a nose to perch them on nor the eyes to see through, have I?”

“So it would appear, yet you speak and have no mouth. How do manage that?”

“Promise not tell anyone, Dand the Dandy Deadbeat Dad, and I’ll let you in on our scintilla of a secret.”

“Upon my inviolable oath as a highborn son of Lazareme, migh­tiest of the Great Gods.”

“Two-be-headed Vultyrie’s a ventriloquist.”

“And here I thought she was just a mindless schlemiel.”

“That too. Now, where was I? Oh yes, disasters. Where else would I be? Haven’t done any limnic eruptions for a coon’s age – or a hundred and thirty years, whichever’s greater – but I don’t see any deep cool lakes saturated with carbon dioxide in the immediate vicinity. I do see wood­lands, though, and a shell I was sharing recently read that fire­storms are very popular in California these days. Know where California is?”

“As a matter of fact I’ve filled a number of caverns with Califor­nia seemings down through the ages. Hollywood, mid to late 59-teens is my favourite.”

And  so it goes. The up-shoot of these howsoever nonsensical formalities (for devils) is that Tariqartha permits Ramazar to stay until Saturday night. The non-fantasy aspect of why Ramazar never got around listing cryoseism as an optional disaster is mostly because the writer had never heard of frost quakes before today.

‘Frost quakes’ wake Toronto residents on cold night

Weather phenomenon caused by ice expanding in the ground

(CBC Online: Jan 03, 2014 7:02 AM ET)

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